Having it all

When I was growing up a popular mantra was, “You can have it all."  I always heard I could have it all as a woman: a career, a family, and a wonderful vacation filled life.  That is what I thought, and I believed. 

 

Well, in a perfect world where I could have it all, I would be the Last Comic Standing. (yes, really!)  Regardless of what my husband says about my comedic timing, I think I have great jokes.  I am sure that I can have a ton of laughs just based on my family!  I would be able to travel all around the country and my family and husband would love me so much that my absence would not matter.  The money I would send home would be enough to keep everyone happy, well adjusted and cared for.  Now, if only my mother in law would have given me that day off when they auditioned in Austin, life would be different!  Oooo that Suegra!

The mantra that you can have it all is a lie.  The truth is you cannot have it all, there are always consequences.  How many women have had successful careers but failed marriages and troubled relationships with their children?   How many women have a wonderful family life but are criticized for their choice to stay at home?

The actual Truth is, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” Philippians 4:13. However, the verses before this truth reveal something that I believe is too often over looked.  Philippians 4:11-12:  "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  Okay, I don’t know about you, but the verses I underlined just slap me in the face!  What?  Be content with whatever the circumstance.  Hey wait a minute; I am not the Last Comic Standing…. Is that ok?

The last week was rough.  I work part time, mother full time, and wife full time.  My job is not overly demanding, yet it is a job that has to be done to the best of my abilities.  However, I find that while trying to have it all, there are many things that go un-noticed, half done, or over-looked.  At the end of the day I think, if I had managed my time better, my house would be cleaner, all my emails answered, and dinner perfect with every food group.  The truth is that you can not have it all without doing something half way.

The secret is to be who you are supposed to be, what God calls you to be.  I think everyone has a place and purpose.  I can do all things with God who strengthens me, but I also need to recognize when I need to be content in the things God has provided for me. Then verses 6-7 come to mind, “⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

 I love these verses because it gives me assurance that through prayer, I can ask for a change in situation; or I am given peace to accept the situation.   I find that chapter 4 in the book of Philippians has held me hostage for more than a week.  I find great comfort and conflict in these verses.  (The conflict is in my willingness to obey the directions to attaining contentment, and make it about me rather than about God.) I cannot have it all, I cannot be it all, and I am not good when I try to have it all.  I have to recognize my limitations and realize that God is the Almighty, the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. GOD gives me just what I need.  He gives me my needs, but not always my wants. When my needs are met, I can be content.  Now the trick is to keep my wants in check!

 

Friendship

The one certain thing in life is change; it is inevitable.  I have been thinking a lot about the evolution of friendships.  Here are my friendship categories: 

Category 1 Agape Friends:  Agape friends are the people I attended elementary school with.  Agape Christian school was the name of the school that I attended Pre-Kinder - 6th grade.  During that time there were approximately 18 of us, who lived, breathed, and were everything to each other.  There were no real outsiders.  We had all basically known each other from birth, and even though we had our tiffs, we were always united against the enemy. (The enemy being any teacher aide that did not treat us right, two come to mind!)  To this day, I can talk to any one of these friends, and it is if no time has passed and we still share a real love for one another. 

Category 2 Jr High and High School friends:  These friends share a common tragedy.  We lived through the worst school bus accident in the history of Texas.  It was September 21st and 21 students died.  Each one of us can remember where we were when we got the news of our fellow students dying.  We can remember the chaos and sadness of the days that followed.  As the graduating class of 1995, we may not have all been friends or for that matter even got along well, but we all were uniquely unified in shared grief, loss, and love.

Category 3 College Friends:  These are the friends I remember my mom saying are your "lifetime friends."  I am confident that I definitely have a few lifetime friends from college.  After all, how many people will you trust to take you out drinking on your 21st birthday? (Insert disclaimer here) I am not, nor have I ever been a huge drinker, but I did celebrate my 21st birthday with two and half drinks!  That is all it took before the word UP fascinated me for approximately an hour.  My college girls are the ones that were destine to help shape who I was going to be, and according to one of my roommates,"God sent me to you, to thaw your cold cold heart!"  That still makes me laugh.

Category 4  Church and Mommy friends:   These are friendships that I am still developing.  Friends that I share the commonality of our children being the same age.  Friends that share our Faith in Jesus.  Friends that are willing to let me play Bunco with them even if I can not count and talk at the same time.  These are friends that I hope will someday be the people I can count on to pray with me through my daughter's teenage years!

The thing about friendship is you grow up, and you grow apart.  Time passes and you realize it has been about a million years since you have talk to your "friend."  There are those that you can talk to and it is like no time has passed, and you can still share and laugh as though your time together was yesterday.  Then there are friends who you just loose contact with and when you talk, you realize that you don't know each other anymore. I think the key to lasting friendship is love.  I may not know you anymore, I may not know what you are doing every day, but I still love you.  I still think of you from time to time and remember the wonderful times we shared.  Change is inevitable, but love can last forever.

This weekend, we heard of a dear friend that passed away very unexpectedly.  He was a friend of my husband.  He was a groomsman in our wedding.  We have daughters the same age.  When I heard the news I cried; I mean, I broke down and cried.  It wasn't because I knew him well.  It isn't because his wife and I are close friends.  It is because the love found in sharing a brief moment of life together.  It is because he was one of my husband's best friends, and he was kind, caring, and a good friend to him.  Life changes, but love doesn't end. 

While crying this is the verse that came to me, "Jesus Wept" John 11:35.  To give a little context: Lazarus was dying and Mary and Martha, his sisters, had sent for Jesus to come and heal him.  Jesus did not come to their home until after Lazarus had died.  Jesus was greeted by Martha who told him that Lazarus was dead. ²⁵ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; ²⁶ and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”  After Martha said that she believed and took Jesus to the tomb where they had laid Lazarus to rest, that is when you read, "Jesus wept."  I read a commentary about this passage, it said how interesting it was that Jesus wept, knowing and having already said that Lazarus would rise and live again.  You see Lazarus was no stranger to Jesus, neither were Mary and Martha.  They were some of Jesus' dedicated followers and I would include friends.  While Jesus knew that Lazarus was dead, His love for him remained.  Jesus knew with the power of the holy spirit that Lazarus would live, but it still made His heart hurt.  Jesus' love remained.


Friendships they come and go.  People grow up, they grow apart, they move away, or they pass away BUT love is the only thing that doesn't change.  My husband and I often say,"God calls us to love one another," but how are we really loving one another?   It occurs to me, that sometimes love is not about the words, but it is equally about the actions.  "Jesus wept."  What a powerful statement of friendship and love.  Friendships don't have to be an every day all the time conversation.  However, they do have to have a genuine love for one another exemplified by the emotional support we give each other.  



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Prayer Impact

When I was a little girl, almost every Saturday night my family would go to visit “The Tias.”  (Tias is the Spanish word for Aunts.)  We had four that we visited regularly.  Three of them lived together and the fourth lived near by, and was usually with the other three.  My aunt Lulu, was the oldest of “The Tias” and my memory of her is simple.  Every year at Christmas, we had a tradition.  We would go to her house and she would measure me for my Christmas present, a nightgown.  She would make the nightgown in a traditional pioneer style, length to my ankles, neck covered, and long sleeves.   Then there was my sweet Aunt Ester.  She was ALWAYS in the kitchen and always ready with a snack and a smile.  My Aunt Millie was and still is very much the matriarch of her family.  She never married, and made it her personal responsibility to take care of everyone in her own special way.  Lastly, there is Aunt Angie, my personal favorite.  She is the baby sister to “The Tias” and to my grandmother.  I always saw her as being somewhat cool, after all, she drove a Monte Carlo and I was 10.  Nearly every Saturday when we would go to visit, my brother, sister and I would hide. (In the same spot every time!)  We would pretend that my parents had come to visit “The Tias” without us kids.  Every time we would jump out and every time they would act surprised. 

The point of my story is that besides all the fun memories of visiting my Tias, they played an important role in my life, and the life of my siblings.  My Tias always prayed for us.  I often think there have been few others who prayed for us as faithfully as they did.  They use to pray for all the kids of each family by name.  They were wonderful role models of prayer in action.  To this day, I cannot talk to my Aunt Angie without her breaking into prayer in the middle of the conversation.  She will be asking me how I am doing, and then she will trail off and sound something like this…..

“Aye Mijita, Lord be with you and bless you and give you his Armor of protection!  In His precious son Jesus’ name, Amen.” 

It was just last fall, when I realized what she was praying for me.

Ephesians 6: 11, 13-17

¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

I read these verses as a part of a Bible Study at church.  The study was Kay Arthur’s Covenant study.  This is by far the best study I have taken to date.  It gave more insight into the Lord’s love and commitment to His people than I had ever learned.  For years, my tias, specifically, my aunt Angie, had been praying this for me.  I am not sure that she even realized the impact of her simple prayer for me.  I could spend a whole blog just discussing these verses, and I may do that some day, but today, I am going to let them stand on their own with no explanation of the power found in them.

My thoughts are here today, because I have been considering different types of service to the Lord.  Today, I made a decision to follow a possible opportunity of service.  I am both excited and scared.  I am not sure if this is where the Lord wants me. However, I have a good feeling that it is; because, the moment that I made the call to discuss the service position, is also the moment that I felt inadequate.  I find that when the enemy attacks me, he is often disguised as me.  I began to question my capabilities, but the Lord brought me back here.   He reminded me that I am indeed cloaked with His Armor!

If this service opportunity works out, I will be sure to let you know what the Lord is doing in my heart.  This is just another step in my journey to be average in the world, but great in God.

Love Like Mine

It was storming outside.  The rain was coming down hard, and the thunder and lightning were a blessing from God.  The lightning made the church stained glass windows look beautiful, as the scene was set.  It was 6:00 and I was about to get married.  Everything was perfect, the church was full of friends and family, and I was so excited to marry a man who made me happy.

Rewind exactly 10 months:

I worked as a manager for Bath & Body Works.  This particular day I was at the front door greeting people as they came in my store.  That is when he walked in.  He was with two women!  He was very tall, and had a friendly smile.  As part of our product demonstration, I was wearing a sticker that said, “Ask me for a free hand massage.”  When He asked for the hand massage, I did not think much of it, until I noticed his hands were very dry.  To which I said,” We need to get some stronger moisturizer, you have dry hands.”  Then small talk proceeded.  He left the store with his women (mom and grandma) and that is what I thought was the end of it.

When he left, he turned to his grandmother and said, that girl sure was cute!  She said, “Well then quit being a chicken, and go ask her for her number!”  He entered the store, and I noticed him immediately.  I thought, “What is he doing back in here?”  Then I noticed that he has selected one small man product.  When I approached him, I said not very nicely,” What are you doing back?” Then I heard honesty like never before, “This is my lame attempt to find out what you are doing later.”  Laughter erupted, that was only the beginning of the laughter we would share.

Fast Forward to my wedding day:

It was 6:00 and the ceremony was about to start.  I was waiting with my dad in the bride’s room, getting ready to change my name and life forever.  My dad and I shared a brief hug and kiss, brief because I was afraid I would start to cry and not be able to pull myself together before the service.  The ceremony was perfect.  It was traditional, short, and sweet.  As people left the church, the wedding party filed back in to take pictures.  This is where things got a little wild.

It was approximately 6:45 when I began looking for my new husband.  I had completed all the pictures with the bridesmaids.  While we were taking pictures, the groom and groomsmen asked if it was alright for them to change.  I said sure, no problem, I knew they wanted out of the tuxedo pants and into jeans.  At 6:45, I asked where is my husband?  It was then that someone told me, he had left the church with the groomsmen.  WHAT???????  HE LEFT ME AT THE CHURCH??????

OK, well I would love to tell you that I was nice and lady like at this point, but I wasn’t.  I used language no one should ever use.  Language that might make a sailor blush!  At last, we reunited outside the reception hall.  All eye makeup was gone, tears dried and swollen eyed, we walked into the reception together!  Frankly, I do not remember much after that.  We shook hands with guests, danced, missed the meal, and ate just the bite of cake we gave each other.

When I look back now, 9 years later, I feel so blessed.  It occurs to me that the Lord knew what he was doing by giving me, my husband.  I actually find the whole story funny and beautiful all at the same time.  I know the Pastor that married us thought we would not last.  I think the real testimony to our story is that we will and have.  In our first day of marriage, we had to learn something that not everyone can learn nor do well.  We had to learn to forgive, move on, and laugh at it all.  It also showed something more profound than we knew at the time.  Marriage is not about the big fancy dress or the party; it is about the love you share.  Our love was big enough to handle being left at the church!  Every year, we laugh about this, and joke that we celebrate on the 30^th instead.  The truth is I would not change anything about that day.  (Well, I might change the language!)  I got exactly what I wanted.  I had a beautiful church wedding.  I married a man whom I love so dearly, now more than ever, but almost equally important he makes me laugh.

9 years later, I am still happy and we are still laughing.  I love you honey!

The WHY in "Why can't we all just get along!"

I don’t know about you, but when I watch the news I just want to scream!  I find that the amount of inaction disgusting!  Everyone seems to be witnessing the downfall of our country, and no one seems to be doing anything.  All you hear is name calling and campaigning.  I wonder, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

Reason #1

We can’t get along because of this great notion of diversity.  If you really think about it, some one came up with this fantastic idea, let’s celebrate our differences!  I am sure the intentions were good, but here is the real translation; let’s talk about everything we don’t have in common.  I don’t know about you, but how many friends do you have that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common with you.  I think celebrating our diversity has back fired.  It has not only pointed out our differences, but it has created this mandate that we have to accept all differences.  This in turn has caused a greater division and resentment, not to mention a total lack of unity.  The creation of celebrating our diversity has left our patriotism in the toilet.  I am not saying that having differences are bad, I am saying that it has made it difficult to disagree peacefully on important issues, for fear of being labeled a racist or bigot.  It seems to me, that as our country was founded, it was by all different types of people, who had a COMMON goal.   This COMMON goal was not to change individual heritage, it was to create a new unified heritage in their citizenship of the United States.  They had a unified pride in country.  My conclusion, there are no results when we focus on our differences, but we can be successful when we focus on a COMMON GOAL.

Reason #2

Stereotypes are a HUGE reason why we can’t get along.  A perfect example is the Republican.  Just by typing that word, what automatically comes to mind?  A rich, white man, with great hair, lots of money, he listens to Rush Limbaugh, and has no desire to help anyone.  How about the Democrat?  Well, for me it is a loud mouth ACTIVIST, someone who will play dirty just to win the rights for a fish; a fish that will put farmers and farmworkers out of work.  As a society, the truth is we stereotype and label people.   It is a cold hard fact.  Right now we are witnessing the largest political division our country has seen since the civil war.  It is down right hatred between Republicans and Democrats.  The hatred in large part is due to the branding or stereotyping of each party.  The media spins each party in a particular direction with no regard to fact or reason.  We then are subject to fitting in a box where there is no gray area; you are either in or out.

Reason #3

Why can’t we all just get along?  We need a change of heart.   In our society, we have wonderful intentions, but no conviction.  Our conviction should come from Jesus, the true barometer of right and wrong.  Instead, we check in with all these false gods to see if we are on the right track.   It is perfectly acceptable to check our sensitivity and poll numbers with the Muslim culture, Hollywood, or the enemy but we never stop to ask Jesus, the King of Kings, if we are on track with Him.  The thing about getting along is, not everyone can be right.  That is why we need understanding that only comes from a meaningful change in heart.  In Church on Sunday the pastor was preaching from the Book of John.  He was discussing the examples Jesus gave Nicodemus about salvation.  His description was about being reborn.  It was interesting because, we know that it is impossible to be physically reborn.  However, it is very possible to be reborn spiritually.  To be reborn spiritually means to have a change of heart, to be changed from the inside out.  Incredible, that the Bible, also called the living word, was alive and describing the solution for our society today.  Imagine if everyone had a change of heart?  We would not be celebrating our differences, but we would be UNITED UNDER GOD, with a COMMON goal, to further His righteousness. 

I wonder if we had a change of heart and if we UNITED UNDER GOD, could we get along?  I believe that with God all things are possible.  The time to change hearts is now.  How will you reach out and change a heart this week?

Seasons

Lately, I have been thinking so much about the Seasons of life.  The constant of life is change.  Change occurs in individuals and in families.  It brought me to this well known passage in the Bible about Seasons.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

1 There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die,

   a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,

   a time to tear down and a time to build,

 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

   a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

 6 a time to search and a time to give up,

   a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,

   a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 8 a time to love and a time to hate,

   a time for war and a time for peace.

I look at these verses and think I have been in many of these seasons, some a few times.  I have been apart of them, or witnessed them as part of a family.  I think it is interesting that the Lord makes a time for everything.  It is His calculated plan for us to experience each of the seasons He has chosen for us.  I also think that it is interesting that each season is specifically given in God’s perfect timing.  I know that as you are in a season of sadness, it never feels like perfect timing.  The list of seasons and the timing to me is one of those great God mysteries waiting to be unwrapped when you get to heaven.  Let’s face it, you are certainly not aware at the time you open your mouth to say something just how it is going to effect another person.  That is unless you have a chatterbox four year old.  In which case, you should never yell in traffic, “Get out of the way dude!”  I thought it was a smart alternative to what I really wanted to say until we were stuck in traffic and all I heard very loudly for fifteen minutes was, “Get out of the way dude!” 

I love the mystery buried in the example of," A time to keep and a time to throw away."  If you are me, there may never be a true time to throw away, because you might need that empty shoe box that has been sitting on the closet floor for 6 months.  If you are my husband you would likely just throw it away with out any regard to its storage possibilities.  A time to be silent versus a time to speak, now that is a challenge!  I could probably list a million instances of when silence would have been a better option for me.  I was only four when I learned; it is never nice to tell your teacher she is despicable, even if that was daffy ducks favorite line.  That was my first trip to the office.  Then there is a time to tear and a time to mend.  It seems so simple doesn’t it?  Tearing is in fact quite easy, but mending anything literally or metaphorically is difficult.  Sometimes, mending feelings means more than giving a simple, “Oh, I am sorry about that.”

The thing about seasons is that even though you may not want to be in one or another, you are exactly where God wants you to be.  I think seasons are like the metaphor of the potter and the clay or the refiner’s fire.  Each season is just a step in the direction God wants to take you.  He is unfolding the seasons of your life to “uproot” the ungodly ways, and “planting” the seeds to be more Christ like.

I have a dear friend, Elizabeth Byler Younts, who has written a book about the Seasons in the life of her Amish grandmother.  What an interesting read it will be, as we uncover that all of God’s people experience the seasons listed in the verses above.  The only difference in our seasons is our reaction to them.

Father's Day

In honor of Father’s day, I am going to introduce you to the fathers in my life.

The first is my Heavenly Father.  I know him as many things including: Savior, Creator, and Father.  He is the very definition of fatherly love.

1Corinthians 13:4-8

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails......

Is it too much too say I love this? While these verses are often used for weddings, it is the best definition of parental love, in this case fatherly love, as well.  My heavenly father is not only the author of love, but also my protector and my provider.  He is the beginning and the end, and knows everything there is to know about me.  I am secure and confident because of my relationship with my Heavenly father.

Then there is my earthly dad.  It would be an understatement to say that I am in fact, a daddy’s girl.  I am sure I have been since the time I was a toddler and made a word specifically for my daddy.  My daddy was terrwonderful.  That is both terrific and wonderful.  The thing about my dad, is that as an adult I can respect him in a new light.  I see that his love for my brother, sister and I was rooted in his faith.  If I look at the verses above I can see how he tried to love us like these verses.  He was the Spiritual head of our household.  He talked about patience, faithfulness, and being responsible to us on a regular basis.  He was an excellent example, and a wonderful dad.  Thank you for being the right amount of love and discipline, love you dad!

My husband is such a wonderful man, and I love him more today than ever before.  He work hard everyday to provide a good life for me and our daughter.  The majority of his workdays last about 14 hrs, but even though he is tired, he almost never misses bedtime stories or time with his girls.  He is quiet about his Faith, but it is strong. I know that he prays for us, and makes sacrifices for us that are often unnoticed and unspoken.  He may be the best example of verse 5, a love that is not self-seeking.  He is a great father. I am privileged to be able to share parenting with a man that always hopes, always protects, always trusts, and always rejoices in our accomplishments.  Thank you for all that you do for us, love you!

As part of my marriage, I was given my father-in-law.  He is about the nicest man ever!  It is hard to imagine him ever being mean to anyone.  I think the best way to describe him is steadfast and faithful.   If there is one thing for sure about him, it is that you can count on him.  If you ask him to be at HEB at 6am wearing a banana suit, he would be there ready and willing to do whatever you need him to do.  He is not a man of many words, but he doesn’t need them, because his actions are loud enough.  Faithful, loving, and willing he is a wonderful father and father-in-law.

I believe that there is something special in a father’s love.  The fathers in my life are all good examples of faithful loving men.  I am grateful to the Lord, to have these extraordinary men in my life.  My dad, husband and father-in-law each offer pieces of the verses above; together they complete the definition for me, and my daughter.  God Bless each of you and I love you all so very much!