Weakness

Today was a hard diabetes day.  I have been sick for about 10 days now, and I am not shaking it the way I want to.  The thing I hate about being sick on top of diabetes is that I am forced to face the awful word limitations.  I am forced to face my limitations, which in turn makes me feel weak. It is also the time when I get scared.  I could have a regular cold, but in my head it is the beginning of the complications that are associated with diabetes.  Let me qualify this by saying, that the fear only comes after a round of antibiotics and still not much improvement.  As I have said before, diabetes life most of the time is just something I do, and not often do I find myself in the dull drums of diabetes.  Today has been a beat myself up, talk myself down, scare myself day, because I am tired of it.

I sit and think; maybe some chocolate would do the trick?  Then I am reminded, that chocolate will only make me feel worse about myself.   Chocolate tastes so sweet but it betrays me with the high blood sugar, and weight gain.  Oh sweet sweet chocolate you are a tasty tragedy!

The first few days I was sick, this was my prayer.  Dear God, please let this take its course and please show me what I need so I do not have to repeat this anytime soon.   As a result of my Bible study on trials, I was thinking, this is a short trial.  I want to learn what I need to learn so that it will pass, and I will be left stronger, immune-ally speaking.  Then by Friday, I was calling out to God, ok, cough cough, cough, I am, cough cough, cough, ready to be better.  While I feel better, I am not completely better, and I have set into frustration and discouragement.  It took all I had to go to bible study this morning.  I had not done my homework.  I purposely skipped the first hour thinking I could get there in time to see the video portion, and that I would not have to share.

God had something very different in mind.  This week, they watched the video first!  I sat there with almost nothing written in my book.  I had not even read the sections of the study.  As I sat there listening to the over view of each of the 5 days’ worth of homework.  God gave me this: 

“My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in weakness……”   
2 Corinthians 12:9

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have heard this verse like about a million times.  Immediately that Christian song by Chris Tomlin; Your Grace is enough, comes to mind.  I am singing it in my head now.  For me, the real nugget here is that God’s power is perfected in weakness. 

Today I feel weak.  My spirit is weak, my resolve is weary and I feel a bit of a mess.   It is like I need to just cry it out or whatever, so I can get on with the getting on!  However, according to the rest of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: 

“….. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Now if I read that right, then GOD is closest to me when I feel this way.  He feels my heart ache and frustrations over the things I cannot change.  The power of Christ rests on me.  That is incredibly encouraging, a little scary, and almost overwhelming.  I admit, I cried a little after I left class.  I guess my tears were a mix of comfort, and guilt.  After all, I didn’t do my part (homework/scripture reading/ and struggled with my prayers in the last week), but GOD IS STILL DOING HIS PART EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME!  Amazing!

It is funny how with God, it is always perfect timing.  He knew that I needed to sit and listen.  He knew exactly what I needed to hear.  I would love to say that I am never going to be discouraged again, but I am hoping that the next time I am caught in the feel sorry for myself syndrome, I will remember that in my weakness, God’s grace is enough, and His power made perfect in weakness. 

As the day draws to a close, I find that after writing this and pondering these verses, I am renewed.   I am in fact made strong knowing that, at the end of the day God is enough.  It is his strength I need to rely on, not my own.  I will continue to walk this life with diabetes and there will be more tough days ahead.  I hope that I will remember that those days when I am discouraged, scared, and at my weakest are really the days that God is closest to me whispering," My power is made perfect in your weakness, let me rest my power upon you."

This is my mind set, now let me hear yours!