Weakness

Today was a hard diabetes day.  I have been sick for about 10 days now, and I am not shaking it the way I want to.  The thing I hate about being sick on top of diabetes is that I am forced to face the awful word limitations.  I am forced to face my limitations, which in turn makes me feel weak. It is also the time when I get scared.  I could have a regular cold, but in my head it is the beginning of the complications that are associated with diabetes.  Let me qualify this by saying, that the fear only comes after a round of antibiotics and still not much improvement.  As I have said before, diabetes life most of the time is just something I do, and not often do I find myself in the dull drums of diabetes.  Today has been a beat myself up, talk myself down, scare myself day, because I am tired of it.

I sit and think; maybe some chocolate would do the trick?  Then I am reminded, that chocolate will only make me feel worse about myself.   Chocolate tastes so sweet but it betrays me with the high blood sugar, and weight gain.  Oh sweet sweet chocolate you are a tasty tragedy!

The first few days I was sick, this was my prayer.  Dear God, please let this take its course and please show me what I need so I do not have to repeat this anytime soon.   As a result of my Bible study on trials, I was thinking, this is a short trial.  I want to learn what I need to learn so that it will pass, and I will be left stronger, immune-ally speaking.  Then by Friday, I was calling out to God, ok, cough cough, cough, I am, cough cough, cough, ready to be better.  While I feel better, I am not completely better, and I have set into frustration and discouragement.  It took all I had to go to bible study this morning.  I had not done my homework.  I purposely skipped the first hour thinking I could get there in time to see the video portion, and that I would not have to share.

God had something very different in mind.  This week, they watched the video first!  I sat there with almost nothing written in my book.  I had not even read the sections of the study.  As I sat there listening to the over view of each of the 5 days’ worth of homework.  God gave me this: 

“My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in weakness……”   
2 Corinthians 12:9

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have heard this verse like about a million times.  Immediately that Christian song by Chris Tomlin; Your Grace is enough, comes to mind.  I am singing it in my head now.  For me, the real nugget here is that God’s power is perfected in weakness. 

Today I feel weak.  My spirit is weak, my resolve is weary and I feel a bit of a mess.   It is like I need to just cry it out or whatever, so I can get on with the getting on!  However, according to the rest of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: 

“….. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Now if I read that right, then GOD is closest to me when I feel this way.  He feels my heart ache and frustrations over the things I cannot change.  The power of Christ rests on me.  That is incredibly encouraging, a little scary, and almost overwhelming.  I admit, I cried a little after I left class.  I guess my tears were a mix of comfort, and guilt.  After all, I didn’t do my part (homework/scripture reading/ and struggled with my prayers in the last week), but GOD IS STILL DOING HIS PART EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME!  Amazing!

It is funny how with God, it is always perfect timing.  He knew that I needed to sit and listen.  He knew exactly what I needed to hear.  I would love to say that I am never going to be discouraged again, but I am hoping that the next time I am caught in the feel sorry for myself syndrome, I will remember that in my weakness, God’s grace is enough, and His power made perfect in weakness. 

As the day draws to a close, I find that after writing this and pondering these verses, I am renewed.   I am in fact made strong knowing that, at the end of the day God is enough.  It is his strength I need to rely on, not my own.  I will continue to walk this life with diabetes and there will be more tough days ahead.  I hope that I will remember that those days when I am discouraged, scared, and at my weakest are really the days that God is closest to me whispering," My power is made perfect in your weakness, let me rest my power upon you."

This is my mind set, now let me hear yours!

The politics of Life

I try not to get too political in my blogs.  However, lately the issue of abortion has been on my mind a lot.  There has been lots of media coverage of women's health and the health care laws.  There are a couple of messages that I think have been missed.


First, the media and television glorifies sexual relationships.  They make whole shows surrounding the drama of the lives of people having sex.  There never seems to be any outrage from anyone, saying, "Uh hum, excuse me, these are teenagers or, hello, these people aren't married."  They glamorize this lifestyle, and make it seem as though it is normal everyday life.  I don't live in la-la land, and I realize that people are going to make mistakes.  I just wish that some where along the way, someone would be brave enough to stand up and say," You don't have to keep on repeating your mistakes.  Instead it is considered normal to just continue the race forward down a road filled with broken hearted consequences.  It just makes me sad that the teenagers of the world are almost made famous for their bad behavior.  It seems as though no one has step up to say, "it is ok to stop."  There seems to be no reassurance or encouragement that is not only ok to stop, but a good thing.  Instead they are offered school programs that encourage contraceptives and abortions.

I would encourage you to watch the following movie. This 30 minute documentary is about abortion and is incredibly powerful.  I hope that when you have time you will watch, and solidify your view on abortion.


http://youtu.be/7y2KsU_dhwI

Everyone is talking about the up coming election and it being a historical election.  I believe this to be true, but not for the same reasons that the media is talking about.  While I am not a one issue voter, I believe now more than ever that life is the key issue.  We can not vote for someone who is pro-choice.  The fact is that if they are pro-choice that means they are for murder.  It means that with the new health care law, they are for setting up a panel of people to make choices for your life.  These people will come together to decide if you are worth paying for or not.  If these same pro-abortion people are on the panel, would they not also consider that the very old are not worth saving either?  The same politicians who are spending more money than they are taking in are going to decide the age at which you may or may not be productive enough to save.  These matter-of-fact opinions that do not view a fetus as a life, will now be considering the life of someone in their 70's.  At 70 have you already seen your best days?  I for one, have decided this may be the single most important issue for our time.

We are rapidly approaching Easter.  A time when Christians celebrate the life and resurrection of Jesus.  What a beautiful miracle, and great love that was shown to us, by Jesus's sacrifice on the cross.  He gave his LIFE so that we may have LIFE everlasting.  It is my believe that LIFE and miracles are Jesus's expertise and when he gives them or takes them away, it is His decision.  I would rather leave it in God's hands and not some politician.

This is my mind set, now let me hear yours!

Trials and joy

About 3 weeks ago, I had a few days that went like this:  my 4 year old daughter goes to dentist, and she has a cavity.  It has to be filled by the pediatric dentist and they will give her sedation.  This was a little un-nerving for this first timer.  Then my husband truck is stolen from our drive way.  We find out that it was used to traffice illegals.  Also another un-nerving moment for me, as I think about the lives of those people who were crammed into our truck.  Then a day or two passes, and my car will not start.  I sat there stunned and ready to cry, and did a little.  Conclusion, my life was ready to start my new Bible study: When life is hard, by James Mcdonald.

I actually had a good laugh after I stopped crying!  It was like God was saying I have a few things I want to teach you.   I am learning about life in the midst of trial.  I love the definition that the study applies to trial.  Trial is defined as: a painful circumstance allowed by God to change our conduct or character.  I love the idea of being refined to become a better person, but wouldn't it be nice if there was no suffering involved?  However, the Bible is clear without suffering there is no endurance, which leads to character, which leads to hope. (Romans Chpt 5)

The study has asked me to identify trials in my life and my reactions to them.  This has been an interesting discovery for me.  It sounds crazy I know, but I am having a hard time defining the trials of my life.  Well, I can identify the trials that have been heartbreaking, or devistaing.   My reaction to most really big trials are the same.  I pray, I tell myself over and over and over again that God is in control and He is good and loving, and I am going to make it.  This is a good thing.  The problem comes with my view of the small trials, and daily annoyances.  Each of which I can't say I define them as trials, I have always just considered them life.  I have never considered the impact of the small circumstances that can shape conduct and character.  I have just dealt with them.

Naturally, I am asking myself now, what are the daily or weekly trials that I am experiencing that I have not previously noticed?   This parallels one of the points from a previous study.  That point being that God is concerned with all of my concerns.  He wants to be involved in the small trials and the big trials.  I DO NOT GET TO CHOOSE where God can be!  That saying Let go and let God is almost ridiculous.  Like we LET GOD do anything.  Now, I am not saying that we don't need to let go and let God.  On the contrary I think we often stand in the way of what could be done much more effieciently if we accepted that we must be obedient to God.

Then what do we do as we are in trial and sharing our concerns with God.  Well this verse is pretty clear:  "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." James 1:2
Sounds like a crazy idea, having joy in the midst of a trial.  However, if we are obediently trusting in God during a trial we can have supernatural joy.  That is to say joy that comes directly from the Holy Spirit.  It is kind of like the verse in Ephesians that says you can have the peace that surpasses all understanding.  That kind of peace can only come from something greater than anyone can muster alone. 

I guess I am going to have to make some changes when I meet the daily and weekly trials and annoyances.  Now when someone cuts me off on the highway, or cuts in front of me in line at the grocery store, I am going to count it all joy!  When that suprise medical bill comes in the mail, or the unexpected car repair, it is all joy!  I am going to remember joy is a choice and God provides it when I focus on him.

This is my mindset, now let me hear yours!

Beyond the Beyond

" For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Sunday morning, my husband and I woke to find that our truck had been stolen from our driveway during the night.  It is one of "THOSE" things.  As I write that, I think, what exactly is one of "THOSE", and why are "THOSE" always the annoyances and interruptions that can make you have a headache.  We did all the things you do when something is stolen.  We called the police, made a report.  We called our insurance company and made a report.  We also began cancelling our credit cards and other important things, because my husband had left his wallet in the truck.

We attended church in a daze.  It was like we were walking around a little lost and wondering what now?  Since it was a Sunday there was not much we could do.  We were in limbo.  We also had to explain to our four year old that daddy's truck was gone.  For our sweet legalistic child, she was inquisitive, mad, and also determined that we needed to go out and search for it!  She was extra upset because daddy said she could have that truck when she grows up, and she does not forget anything!  We told her that it was "just a truck" and we were blessed that it could be replaced and no one was in it or hurt.  We also spent the day telling ourselves that as well!

I have mentioned before that I have been taking a Bible study called: Faithful, Abundant, and True.  It is part of the Deeper Still series with Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer and Kay Arthur.  The two weeks on Abundance taught me something key, that I put into practice for this situation.  The Abundance study covered the following verses:

Ephesians 3: 20-21
"Now to HIM who is ABLE to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen."

In the study the leader pointed out that God can go beyond our beyond.  God can do all we ask and more.  She commented that as she studied these verses, it changed the way she prayed.  She began to pour out all her heart to God.  She shared concerns, needs, and desires big and small.  Then she would ask, please do this, OR SOMETHING BETTER!  I absolutely LOVE this!  I love that my God is ABLE to do more than I can imagine.

Last night, my husband and I lay awake talking about the truck.  He commented  how his head hurt and he could feel the tension of the situation.  I said, " Honey, God has something planned for this situation.  They are either going to find your truck, or there will be something BETTER!"  As soon as I stopped talking the phone rang, and it was the police department.  They found his truck!  At that moment we were like teenagers running around with total excitement!  The truck had been found outside of Laredo and was being towed to Cotulla.  We are so thankful and give God all the glory!   Praise God in His sweet sovereignty!  We don't have much left to pay on this truck and it is an incredible blessing to have it back.  The officer that we spoke to said there was not too much damage.  We are optimistic that we will be able to get it fixed!  My husband is currently on his way to the Cotulla impound.  I will not be surprised and am believing that there is better and more yet to come.  I am praying and believing that God will give us the extra blessing of the wallet still being in the truck.

No matter what happens now, God has already exceeded my expectations!  I thought the truck would never be found and I was resolved that we would have to buy a new truck.  God has given me the real life example of praying for this or something better!  I love that his word comes to life and is proven as true today as it was when it was written!

I hope that today, you will remember just how big and how ABLE God is to work in our lives.  I pray that your Faith will grow, and that you will pour your heart out to the one true God who is ABLE to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine!

This is my mindset, now let me hear yours!

A Valentine thought....

“For God so loved the world….”  Immediately you are probably like me, in your head you are saying the verse that we all know so well: 

“ForGodsolovedtheworldthathegavehisonlybegottensonthatwhosoeverbelievesinhimshallnotperishbuthaveeverlastinglife.”  John 3:16

You see the trouble with that is I say it kind of like I typed it.  It is like run on sentence that I say and have taken for granted.  In this season of love, it occurred to me, for God SO LOVED the world.  I mean HE SO LOVED the world.  What exactly does that mean?

It means that He gave his only child, his only son to die for the sins of the world.  How often do you think about this in the reality that it is?  Well, for me I only have one child.  I think there is NO WAY that I would want to actively give my only child up for anything.  Yet God gave his only son because He loved.

I talk about love a lot in my blogs.  I guess it is because I love love.  Love in its true form.  That is love that is given unconditionally.  That is love that sacrifices without complaint.  I can only think of one true example of that kind of love and it is found in Jesus.   The closest that I think a person can come to having this kind of love is between a parent and child.  When I think about how much I love my child and how much more GOD loves me, it is humbling.

God’s love is so much more than I realize.  It is in fact healing.  I was reading an article associated with my Bible study this week.  It was written by a woman who was in Rwanda during the uprising that killed nearly one million Rwandans.  It is an incredible story.  This woman was a Tsusi married to a man outside of her tribe.  They were both attending college and living seemingly normal lives, when the uprising began.  She endured many unspeakable things.  She was and is a Christian.  She told of many struggles, but the summary of her story was about God’s love.

“When by the grace of God I became aware of the love of God for me in the midst of those hard moments, I made a choice to make peace with my past.  I closed the door to hatred and moved to a place called forgiveness.  And love healed me.  Today I can look back and see the unseen hand of God uncovering my stinky wounds and bandaging them with love and forgiveness.

…Today I can tell anyone who is going through injustice, abuse, and rejection that there is no deep pit that the hand of God cannot reach.  He is mighty to save.”

                                                                                    The Other Side of Darkness: By Dawn Hollomon

The Bible says, “The greatest of these is love.”  I believe that it is in fact the greatest.  It is the greatest gift God gives us.  He loves us despite our inequities, and more fully than we can even imagine.  This Valentine’s day, I would ask that you just take a moment and really let this sink in, “For God SO LOVED the world.” Let God's love fill you up, heal your hurts, and give you peace!

This is my mindset, now let me hear yours!

Birthdays past vs. Birthday now

My youngest and most vivid birthday memory is of course when I turned ten.  That was the year, I had a birthday, my grandma died, and I was diagnosed with diabetes all within a month.  I have no idea what I got as a gift, but I guess you could say Diabetes?  That makes me laugh.  I have said it before and will say it again, diabetes is a blessing.  God has definitely blessed me and grown me spiritually because of this disease.  At the age of ten I could not use the word disease.  I thought it was like a stigma of defeat, when in actuality, it is a tool refining me each and everyday.  Diabetes in my life is both appreciated and despised.

When I turned 16, I had a surprise party.  A few friends, a radio, some food in my back yard it is was a great time!  When I turned 18, I took my new age out for a spin.  I bought a scratch-off lottery ticket and registered to vote! When I turned 21, I had my first drink.  A whole half of a hurricane and I spent the rest of the night contemplating telling my crush that I liked him.  When I turned 22, my friend made me a button, that said kiss me it is my birthday!  I accepted kisses on the cheek all night, because I was not quite wild enough to let strange weirdos kiss my lips!  We laughed had fun, and it was for the most part harmless.  When I turned 25, I was newly engaged, and moving to Houston.  I was was about to make an incredible and wonderful change.  When I turned 30, I was pregnant with my daughter.  This is the only birthday I can remember actually crying over, those darn hormones!

I am narrowing in on my 35th birthday.  Wednesday is the big day!  What is on my mind you may ask?  I will tell you, underwear.  Yep, it is true.  I hate my underwear.  I never feel really fat until I look at my underwear.  I may have days when I feel chubby, but not over the top fat.  I just don't feel that way too often.  That is except when I look at my underwear.  I am not saying that I am not chubby, because I could stand to loose about 20 pounds and I would be the size I was when I got married.  That size was only about 15 pounds heavier than when I graduated high school, so rationalizing like this makes it feel not that far!  Well, that is until I look at my underwear!  I guess after you have a baby, you just need more fabric to cover the junk in your trunk.  I don't know but at age 35, I find underwear to be disturbing. 

At age 35, I am however, looking forward to celebrating all week.  I plan to spend time with friends, laugh, and maybe sing a little karaoke.  I am a little sad to be singing with out my original karaoke friends, Ellen, Cawy, and Liz.  After all, I am pretty sure when we were suppose to be studying, we were actually singing karaoke every Wednesday night.  Those were the days when my worries were light and my underwear smaller!

This is my BIRTHDAY edition mindset, now let me hear yours!

The Submissive wife, something I don't do well

Submission, that word makes me cringe.  The first time I visited the church I now attend, I remember a woman gave the prayer before the offering.  She said, " Lord, please help us women to be submissive to our husbands."  Needless to say, I was like, "WHAT?  Get me out of here!"  However, the Pastor was really good and preached straight from the Bible, so I decided I could look past the crazy notion of submitting to my husband! 

The Websters definition of submission is as follows:

• the act of being humble or compliant
• the act of submitting to the authority or control of another

As I read the definition I laughed out loud.  Really, they might as well have said the definition was the exact opposite of Miranda! 

My husband and I had a disagreement this week, and it was on my heart that I should remember, based on the word of God, I am suppose to submit to my husband.  I went looking for advice.  I found myself having this conversation with my mother in law.  It went something like this," Will you do me a favor and take off your mother in law hat and put on your friend hat, because I need some advice." She is really good about playing multiple roles in my life: Mother-in-law, friend, boss, and grandmother to my child. " What do you do when you and my father in law just can't agree on something?"  Her response was," Eventually some one has to give in."  Her answer when my husband called to ask her advice, "Sometimes you just aren't going to be happy with everything!"  You gotta love that lady!

My husband is a wonderful man.  He works very hard so that my daughter and I can live the life that we do.  He works more than 12 hours a day, and he only has two real and regular complaints.  First, he is tired.  Second, he does not like stupid people.  When people ask why I married him, the answer is easy, he made me, and still makes me laugh.  We laugh all the time.  We have fun and genuinely enjoy each other, that is when we are not disagreeing on something.  This is where it gets tricky.  My husband and I see things in two different directions but the same destination.  Men always have trouble with directions!  (Laughing hysterically......ok fine sometimes I can't follow directions either!)

I would like to believe that the last time my husband was right about anything was when he decided to marry me; at that point he gave up his rights for me!  After all, in our wedding service, my brother the pastor, gave him some excellent advice," Happy wife, happy life, trust me I know my sister!"  My husband said I do, but He did not say I will do it your way Miranda.  Although my ears MAY have interpreted it as, "I do, I do always want to do things your way Miranda; now here have some chocolate!"  This is a great example of how I get into trouble, selective hearing!

I just can't seem to get this submissive thing down.  Just when I think I am allowing him to be heard, I am really not.  I have made up my mind and concocted a new way to sway his thinking.  The truth is, just as my mother-in-law said, some one eventually has to give in.  For the purposes of this weeks disagreement, I will not say I gave in completely, but I did change my tone.  The change in tone lead to a new understanding of each persons point of view, and a reminder we are on the same team.  Now I am left with my new definition of submission: change your tone and sell harder!

 This is my mindset, now let me hear yours!