Sunday, April 27, 2014

Where Faith Fails

Lately my life has been turned upside down.  The minute we put our house on the market, my nice left and my "tone" changed!  Enter the reaction of the stubborn, hard headed donkey, and not trust version of Miranda! Let me start with the back story.

In September, my sweet in-laws picked up and moved.  They lived across the street from us, and within three weeks, they had picked up and moved to the country.  They moved to a rural home on some acreage, and left us.  They abandoned us, or so we tease them  They are a huge part of our life.  We see them regularly, share meals, and often walked our daughter across the street just to hang out for a few minutes.   All of that has changed.

At the time I felt the Lord was saying just trust me.  Trust me, as our lives changed.   Trust me with the big things that are happening in your life.  Trust me and wait on my timing.   I even wrote a blog about it last June, where I confessed to having trust issues.  Here I am almost a year later and all that I felt is in fact true, but I am still in a season of trust, and working on those issues.  A trust season where God is in control and I am left with no choice but to trust Him.  What my trust looks like seems to changes every day.  I go from being firm in my faith, to being a real "donkey" in my reactions.

After my in-laws moved, it was a no brainer for us, we decided we would follow.  I continued to feel in my heart that God wanted us to wait and trust, as He worked out the details.  Then about two months ago, the owner of the neighboring property, called and said, "We would like to sell our property, do you know anyone who wants to buy it?"  As God would have it, it was exactly what we wanted, exactly what we prayed for.  It was the exact amount of acreage, it was the same floor plan we preferred.  Everything was perfect, and God was confirming his plans for us, and the result of waiting and trusting.

Now fast forward a couple of months.  Our house is on the market.  We have a contract on the new home, but have to sell our existing home.  God has revealed so much of HIS beautiful plans for us.  He has honored what I heard in my heart was His will.  Now I stand living out a real life Ephesians 3:20

"With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. "

He has revealed much more than I could have asked or imagined.  I am standing at the point of great and good change. The question now is, how am I handling all of this?  I am a Christian, I read my bible and I can share many of God's promises.  I believe them, when they are for someone else.  If I am honest, I am a mess.  I am anxious and the house being on the market.  If it doesn't sell soon my hubby and I may need marriage counseling!  I am on edge.  I am reminding myself of the things I so easily share with everyone else, and am struggling to make them real for myself. 

I had a whole inner dialog about God giving seasons. I re-read the chapter on seasons.  In Ecclesiastes 3 it says," There is a time to cry, and a time to laugh.  There is a time to be sad, and a time to dance."  This is my season to laugh and dance, and what am I doing?  I am waiting for the metaphorical catch.  I am nervous and anxious about the time it is taking to sell my house.  I am looking at this season and asking am I good enough to deserve or have a season of joy and dancing?

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME.  The Lord makes promises for those He loves.  It is not really that I have a faith issue with him, it is that I have made the faith about me.  I believe that God is a big and powerful God, but I am still trying to earn His love and blessing, instead of just accepting it for what it is.  A free gift, and a grace that extends beyond what I can ask or imagine.  This is HIS grace, this is HIS house, this is HIS property and I am not going to change HIS TIMING, HIS PLANS, or HIS WILL.  No matter how much I think If I just.......

The Lord is asking me to believe in HIM, not in my own abilities.  He asking me to trust in His truths, not to try to earn or rationalize my own.  He is asking me to let go of insecurities and old sins, because they are forgiven in Christ Jesus.  He wants me to stand flawed and let HIM lead, because as my Pastor said today, "God will not command you to do what He has not orchestrated to succeed."  God wants me to trust HIM, and not overthink the details.

As I reflect on my faith and failures, I think it is a good time to remember where I should put my Faith.  My faith is not in man or in me, but in a God that is the creator of the universe.

Isaiah 40:

25 God, the Holy One, says, “Can you compare me to anyone?
    Is anyone equal to me?”
26 Look up to the skies.
    Who created all these stars?
He leads out the army of heaven one by one
    and calls all the stars by name.
Because he is strong and powerful,
    not one of them is missing.
27 People of Jacob, why do you complain?
    People of Israel, why do you say,
“The Lord does not see what happens to me;
    he does not care if I am treated fairly”?
28 Surely you know.
    Surely you have heard.
The Lord is the God who lives forever,
    who created all the world.
He does not become tired or need to rest.
    No one can understand how great his wisdom is.

I pray that God will take this reminder for me, to encourage you.  I pray you will be blessed to the FULLNESS of all God's will; not your own, or mine!  This is my mindset; now let me hear yours!