I had an epiphany tonight. While it has been obvious that I have been stressed out lately. I have not been able to get over my funk. I have been sitting on feelings of crying and feeling lost, wallowing in my sad little pity party. Only I can honestly say I have nothing to feel sorry over. The truth is, I am struggling with the unknown. I am struggling with change. I am in a place where I feel I have no control.
Then I read this:
"Remember: Satan loves to make us focus on the little that’s wrong so we miss the big picture of all that’s right."
I have great opportunities in front of me, and I am going to miss the fun and excitement if I don't get over it. I realized, that my biggest problem is me. Here I am, in the way again. I am thinking of me and it is backward, doubtful, and critical. When I get wrapped up thinking of me, I often find myself in a sad state. I can see all the bad stuff. My insecurities and mistakes find their way to the front of the line, and I am missing the picture of all that is right. I am stuck in the land of would've, could've, and should'ves. I don't like that place.
We have been reading in the Book of Ecclesiastes in Sunday School. So far, it can be described as a meaningless chasing of the wind. Solomon the author of the book talks about all the things he did to find happiness, meaning, and joy in life. In the first few chapters he describes all the things he did in search of these things, but in all his toil he found it was meaningless. What I have discerned from this part of God's word is this; when you are doing something for your own interests and gain, the feelings of joy and happiness are fleeting. However, when you are serving God via serving others, when life is not about just you, then there is meaning and real joy.
I only mention this, because here I have been stuck in this stressed out mess, thinking only how I feel and what I have to do. I could go on for hours with more I's and me's. The point is, I need to think about something bigger. I need to stop looking at just me, I need to stop chasing the wind. If I am going to get out of my stress rut, I need to get focused on the bigger picture.
What is the bigger picture you ask? Well, for me it is my family. That old saying "if mama ain't happy then nobody is happy," well, it is totally true! I need to focus on how I can comfort my daughter who has totally picked up on my edgy attitude. I need to ease her transitions, and not focus on mine. I need to give more of myself to the people who give themselves to me. I need to focus on what God has laid on my heart. God has told me, I am in a season of trust. He is asking me to trust Him for all the good things that I can not see happening because I am not able to imagine them as reality. While good changes are coming, He is saying let me work it out. He continues to whisper trust me, while I am stuck in my corner listening to the little wrongs. I have taken those little wrongs and made them into mountains, that I have predetermined I can not climb. ( At this point I will just add that fat people, can't breath in the mountains!)
This is a battle of FAITH. The point is not to climb alone, but to include and rely on God for what I can not control nor do on my own. I have to decide, trust God on faith alone, or listen to the condemnation in my head. As a Christian, I try to walk by the truth of God's word. Here is what I've got:
- "There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
- "For we were not given a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and self discipline." 2Timothy 1:7
- "Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you." 1Peter 5:7
- "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise worthy think about such things." Phillipians 4:8
Using these scriptures as truth, I need to set my mindset as follows:
- God does not condemn me.
- Fear is not of God.
- I must continue to tell him what matters to me, because I matter to him.
- Stop thinking negatively and start thinking about God and HIS truth, all that is good, noble, lovely, and most of all PRAISE WORTHY!
I am on a journey with God, and this season is a hard one. Trusting and letting go of my perceived control, are not easy. I am going to do my best to take my new adjusted mindset accept the good and just enjoy the ride.
This IS my mindset, now let me hear yours!