This passed Friday, I got dressed for work. I chose a shirt that had been hanging in my closet over a year. I found it on the sale rack at the feed store. I thought it was cute, it is a black, of course, with 3/4 length sleeves and a lace trim. It has been hanging in my closet with tags on it because, I just never had anything to wear with it. I finally broke down and wore it on casual Friday with jeans. I looked in the mirror and from the front, it looked cute, and BONUS, it covered my chubby rolls. I felt good! That is until I got home. When I stopped at my mother in laws house to pick up my daughter she said, "Miranda! Your back and bra are showing!" What? my voice at first as if this were a joke, but one look at her face and then I said again, WHAT? this time with terror in my voice. I have been in this all day! Are you serious? She snapped this picture:
My mind is racing. I AM LIKE THE PEOPLE OF WALMART! Almost 40 year old chubby moms, DO NOT let this hang out AT WORK!!! I work for a prestigious law firm, known for a well know CHRISTIAN endorsement. This was beyond embarrassing. I never once turned and looked at my back in the mirror. I was embarrassed and I felt totally stupid. So then I called my much younger, 20 year co-worker and said, why did not you not tell me I was uncovered! She is dying laughing on the other end, as I gave her these future instructions: if I have toilet paper hanging off my butt or IF THINGS ARE SHOWING that should not be showing PLEASE tell me. Her response was, "I just thought you were being risky!" RISKY RISKY! I am a chubby almost 40 year old mom, risky is staying up past 10 on a school night not showing my back AT WORK ALL DAY! Then in my mind I made the courageous decision to call my boss and apologizing for not looking at my back in the mirror and potentially being totally inappropriate at work all day. Thank God for grace because the laughter ensued and the comment," I just thought you were going clubbing," was made.
OH dear Jesus, no thank you!
Fast forward to Sunday. I have signed my daughter and I up for this Bible based program called daughters of the King, or better known as Club DOK. Club DOK is a Bible based program that teaches what God says about Modesty and character. Today's lesson, outer beauty. This program is for 4th and 5th grade girls, and it is to help them focus on what God says about them not what the world has to say. Today the object lesson was this, take two post it notes. On note 1 write something you are insecure about regarding your outer appearance. On note 2 write something you like about your appearance. Then there was a ceremonial tearing and throwing away of note 1, AKA the insecurity, but coupled with that, the girls had to stand in front of the mirror and say that they were created by God, and they were created to be the way HE wanted.
Now, I can give you a lot of scripture about being Chosen by God. I can tell you and have in other blogs, that flaws are natural and God knew them and still chose you. But there is something to say, when you hear what I heard today..... After the mirror each mother and daughter were given two sheets of paper, one was about ourselves, and the other was about either mom if you are the daughter, or daughter if you are the mom. We were instructed to write 5 things down that we like about the outer beauty of each other and ourselves. As I sat there thinking, and thinking of the things I liked about myself, the lady gave an example: maybe it is I feel cute in a certain outfit. WELL,in light of Friday that wasn't going to work for me because, I felt cute until I realized it had no back! BUT, in that moment, I turned to my daughter and this is what she was writing about me:
I love my mom's T-rex arms.
I love that my mom is short......
My daughter had listed everyone of my insecurities out on her page as things she really loved about me. Now if you have never met my girl, she is kind and loving, sensitive and sweet, the polar opposite of me in so many ways. Her heart is not dark, like mine can be, she doesn't see flaws or imperfections as a stumbling blocks. She truly sees the world with the eyes of God. She sees potential and value. She sees value in all of my insecurities.
It was like she set a lightbulb off in me. I can't help but think God is and has been teaching me something in my almost 40 life crisis. He keeps telling me to stop looking at all the flaws; stop obsessing over the things that are not perfect, stopping looking for something to be wrong and look at the potential. For those moms out there, who are working so hard to find a balance in life, thinking that there is this perfect place, but you are just missing it, I am here to say there is no perfect place this side of heaven. There is one flaw after imperfection after mistake, after flaw, after imperfection, and mistake again and again. The only thing we can hope in is to know the love of Jesus, who sees us as potential. He sees us as valuable, just as we are, and sometimes we are lucky to get a glimpse of His sweet reminders in the most unlikely places.
"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her...."
Maybe in the midst of the hurry, and the midst of the imperfections and flaws, we are missing the REAL things that bless our children and families.
This week, I hope and pray that you can experience the blessing, even if it comes in T-rex arms and a short package.
This is my mindset, now let me hear yours!
14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19