Friday, August 19, 2011

Sweet Sadness

When I was ten years old, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  It happened like this.  We went on a family trip to the beach, and I came back with diabetes.  Well, that is the short version of the story.  The friends that we were with at the beach had a daughter with diabetes, and when my sugar was checked, it was obvious I was too.  I always felt like that is when my life started.  I can remember telling my mom, that I was glad it was me.  If anyone in our family was going to have this, it had to be me; I was the only one tough enough.  In a ten-year-old mind, I had an allergy to sugar.

As I grew I never considered having children very seriously.  I figured my life would be like that well known movie, Steel Magnolias.  It was much later when I decided that I loved someone enough to work out all the details of being a diabetic and pregnant.  It was at this time, that I also associate with my committing my life to God, and surrendering to His control.  Never in a million years, did I ever count on having the wonderful daughter I have today.

Tonight, I tucked in my sweet four year old, and prayed many thanks for her great health, her caring heart, and her precious smile.  I am overwhelmed by the incredible gift that she is to me.  The Lord has blessed me beyond what I deserve, and all honor and glory goes to God the father.

As the new school year approaches, I am a little melancholy over the fact that my precious baby will be in K4.  The time has flown by so quickly.  Each day I marvel at the new things she learns and even more so at the things she repeats.  I think everyone should have children, because they are the fasted way to see your personal bad habits!  She says things sometimes, and I have to stop and ask myself, “Do I really sound like that?”  Then I never know whether to laugh or cry when she imitates wearing my insulin pump, or tells me, “Mama, I think I need juice because my blood sugar.”  She also often has to check her sugar and constantly asks when she is going to get her insulin pump.  Through the eyes of a four year old, I am sure that the buttons and alarms are fascinating!

Contrary to the sadness, I also feel the sweet relief of back to school.  Back to school, means back to a regular routine!  Growing up, I hated routine. As an adult I relish in it, I count on it, a routine makes my life and my blood sugars work best.  In all honesty, I look forward to a few hours of silence.  My child inherited my talking, and although it seems foreign to me, there are days, when I WISH for silence! 

On Monday, we go to meet the teacher.  I told her tonight I was going to take lots of pictures.  I am notoriously bad at remembering to take pictures.  Time is moving so quickly I want to remember these days, when she wants me to go with her and hold her hand.  I fear the days of let me go are approaching us faster than I can imagine.  For now, I will have to settle to be out on the gymnastics floor, with a scared kid, a chubby adult surrounded by 3 and 4 years olds, trying to do the splits!


  1. I remember it well when you called to tell me it was the best time to try to have a baby then when you called me back to tell me you were! I was so excited for you and yet scared at the same time. You are one tough chick and yes you surrendered this pregnancy to God and look what God blessed you with! God is good! Love you!

  2. Making me cry. Hey, you were supposed to make me laugh today! lol. Little girls are so sweet. I'm glad you have one. Please remember me in your peaceful routine while I try to figure out the homeschool routine with my sweet angle and little monkey.

  3. Marquett....No crying! I promise to come up with something funny or politically charged for my next post. Something we can protest and or rally together!

    @T so glad we shared those moments, love you so much!